namahatta.org - Congregational Development Ministry

hare krsna mataji, please accept my humble obeisances—as humble as i can manage to be, at least. all glories to srila prabhupada.

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disclaimer: not knowing you personally, only through your writing, and not knowing the brahmacari you write about at all, i can only offer some general considerations here, which may or may not apply in this particular case.
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i understand that you feel hurt if a friend suddenly cuts off all communication with you; that's natural and not surprising. but what are his motives, his reasons for his decision? does he think you're not worth speaking to, not good enough for him? i don't think so.

how would you feel if he decided to enroll in a college or university in a different town, or in a different country? you would still feel separation from him, but you won't feel hurt—because it would be necessary, the best course of action for his future, for his education.

the brahmacari asram is an important part of the varnasrama system, ot vedic education, and of ISKCON. in the beginning of our movement, almost all devotees were brahmacaris and brahmacarinis. srila prabhupada stated that all new devotees should undergo brahmacari training, even those desiring to become grhasthas eventually.

and brahmacaria does mean, among other things, to minimize contact with the opposite sex. ideally a brahmacari asram would be situated separate from the other asramas' living quarters, preferably in the forest somewhere, with no distraction.

that's not possible nowadays, especially in the west. and, as you state in your article, for the purpose of preaching krsna consciousness, which is our main purpose, strict varnasrama rules aren't usually applied.

the intention of these rules is not to hurt or offend women or members of the other, non-renunciate asramas; not that they are less devotional or less important. strict brahmacari training enables young devotees to learn to control their senses, to direct their energies to higher goals than sense gratification.

that's particularly important—and particularly difficult—for those of us who grew up in the west, where sense gratification has been elevated, for all practical purposes, to a religion, and sense control is unheard of.

you are right in saying that breaking contact with all women, completely, isn't a sign of maturity—it certainly isn't. but you also wrote that the devotee in question still lives with his parents. this makes it likely that he is not only a new devotee, but also farely young, i.e., immature.

why don't you give him some time to find his feet, so to say, in his new asram? not speaking to any women, particularly those he's had close contact with, may very well make it much easier for him to learn to control his mind and his senses.

you're seeing your hurt at being ignored by him, but do you see the difficulties he may be facing if he doesn't? the idea of following at least a few years of strict brahmacari training is not fanatical; it's what prabhupada told us to do. that it's often not practiced these days may very well be a reason that so many devotees have problems in their devotional and married lives later on.

your servant, phanisvara das

Thank you Pandu Prabhu and Phani Prabhu for the wise and intelligent words. I was looking through emotions, but now you help me see the situation in a more neutral sense.

Thank you very much, I appreciate the writings.

Hare Krishna.